Heart to Heart

So, I usually try to be positive. People close to me would probably describe me that way. However, I have learned throughout my life that authenticity is a much more favorable characteristic. I don't necessarily love to show people the non-"shiny happy people" side of myself, but lately I have had no other choice. In fact I usually prefer just to hide all together when I am feeling stressed or overwhelmed. Up until this point in our journey with our boys, I have pretty much done just that. That's not an option any more though because this will eat me up if I do.

Things have been hard to say the least, but God has brought us through all kinds of challenges in life and I know He will do the same for us now. Jeff and I are no stranger to difficulty and we have made it through job loss, health issues, and stressful family situations already in our short 2 1/2 year marriage. So, there's a taste of the positive spin. The Lord has been growing us to trust Him, which is always a lesson I need to receive a refresher on.

The icky part is that it is really easy to feel isolated. I cried through church on Sunday, surrounded by young couples like us experiencing new parenthood much differently than us. It is difficult to explain because I don't covet their experience and I know it brings it's own set of trials. I do however wish for camaraderie. The "we are all in this together" kind of feeling that many new parents bond with. We however know no one in a similar situation to our own. Well, I should say we didn't know anyone else.

We have been immensely blessed by an adoption ministry we are a part of at our church. One of the sweet couples we met there, though they are parenting a precious baby girl, reached out to us. She offered to connect us with their neighbor who has adopted siblings through CPS. She mentioned it to me on several occasions before she sat me down and made me schedule a date and time to meet. Though I longed for this connection, I was nervous at the same time to be vulnerable - to admit I didn't have it all together.

Well, today was the day. "J" and I went to my sweet friend's house where she had prepared a lovely breakfast and she watched the kids while I met my new Mommy friend. This experienced Mom encouraged me, hugged me, and shared her story. Giving me information, but most importantly making sure I knew I wasn't alone. This was such a precious gift. She gave me her number and made me promise to call her when I need it. Another blessing I couldn't have asked for, but truly needed. I have also been connected through Facebook to another friend of a friend with a story like ours. God has been so good to us to bring people into our lives to encourage us! So, forgive me if I'm not in a "shiny happy people" kind of mood next time we talk or meet, but please just love me through it. I think that's what community is all about and even more so the body of Christ. I don't know where we got the idea that we had to hide all of our troubles from each other, but I know it wasn't from Christ. He offers quite the opposite model for redemption and love.

SAHM?

I have chosen to take the remainder of the year off of work to be a full time mommy. We prayed long and hard about the decision and continue to pray for God's direction and provision as we move forward. It was a little weird to say goodbye to my job (even if it is just for a couple of months) but I sure don't miss it. Motherhood feels like it is what I am truly meant to do. The rest is just something I do to help pay the bills. This break will tell us how necessary that even is. We won't talk about how the CPS worker told me not to quit my job "just in case."

Anyway, "J" and I are home together on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. He goes to "school" at the same daycare on Tuesdays and Thursdays. "A" no longer attends the after school program, so we have more time together in the afternoons. I am becoming accustomed to the 30 minute wait (cell phone free) in the car rider line now. "J" always screams "GO Mommy!!" when there is clearly 22 cars between me and actually being able to go. I don't blame him...it does seem sort of silly.

I don't know why it took me a while to let you know this. I guess I was just busy settling into this new/reformed role in our family. Please continue to pray for us as we seek God's plan for my career.

2 months ago today...

Our boys came home to us and turned our world upside down! We wouldn't have it any other way!

Incidentally, Jeff and I met for the first time on February 11, 2006. The 11th is a very important day for all of us apparently. Big things, life changing moments occur. Who would have guessed 45 months ago, we would be here now? But again, we wouldn't have it any other way!

Thank you, God for your hand and perfect timing in creating our family!

170 Million Minus 2

Last night we attended a live telecast at our church in honor of Orphan Sunday. We won't discuss the fact that my children were throwing paper at the speaker and rolling under the pews. Anyway, Steven Curtis Chapman and others from his ministry and that of Focus on the Family came together to mobilize"the Church" to consider the plight of the orphan. Testimonies were given of the work God is doing through His church to care for "the least of these" around the world. Foster care was discussed along with statistics like this one: Can you believe a child becomes an orphan every 18 seconds?!

Steven shared his heart for this ministry and outreach but even more present was the heart of God. I have been struggling over the last couple of weeks with frustration about the bureaucratic system that we are entangled in as a family right now and all the unknowns. God has been ministering to my heart through songs like Addison Road's "What Do I know of Holy?" and others. Last night was another opportunity for God to remind me that He is sovereign. He has our children's names written on His hands and they are ultimately His alone. We are entrusted with them for now and for that we will be forever grateful. No one is promised tomorrow and so we will thank God for every moment we share with our precious sons, even if we don't share the same last name. A statistic was given last night that there are currently 170 million orphans worldwide. Make that 170 million minus 2!

Psalm 68:5-6a

"A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling. God sets the lonely in families"

Please read about Steven's ministry and consider getting involved in this cause.

Sweetest Mommy Moment of the Day

It's a tie between:

"J" asking to hold my hand during nap time and saying "I love you, Mommy." MELT my heart!

and

"J" from the top of the play land at BK as I am giving him the 5 minute warning, says to his new found friend, "I gonna miss you!"

Today was Mommy and J day. We spent the whole day together so that's why both sweet moments are from him.

Funniest Mommy Moment of the Day

"A" looked at me with a very serious face and said, "Mommy, I think it is time to mop the floor." I laughed and he said "Come on Mommy, let's mop it." For the record: we totally didn't mop it today either. The remainder was very thoughtful though.

2nd Edition of Fall Fun: Dewberry Farm

Today we took the boys to a local hot spot, Dewberry Farm. It is a big attraction for fall fun and super close by, so we had to check it out! There was quite a crowd but we still had a great time, minus a few meltdowns!

These goats were so cute with their own little jungle gym! You could pet them through the fence. They also had a whole petting zoo in the barn with chickens, donkeys, turkeys, pigs and rabbits. "A" seems to really like animals so this was right up his ally!
"J" was more into the hay ride to the pumpkin patch! Pumpkins for miles are a great spot for picture taking of my two favorite pumpkins! Wish I could show them to you...super cute!

They are also growing Christmas trees. Look at the cute little baby trees!
We went in the corn maze and I was seriously scared we would get stuck in there, but we made it out thanks to Super Daddy!
All in all it was a great day, which prompted a much needed nap when we got home! More fall fun is just around the corner because we've been invited to a birthday party at a petting zoo tomorrow!