The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly Truth

WARNING - This is a long post.

It was 6 1/2 weeks ago that I wrote this entry to share the news that we were officially a waiting family. I know I haven't shared much since then about the matching process we are going through and to be honest I didn't know how much I wanted to share. It has been gut wrenching and a compete emotional roller coaster! I have decided though that I need to be transparent and as scared as I am to be vulnerable during this time, God has called me to do so.

I would love to tell you that this process has been all smiles and warm fuzzes, but it hasn't. Most people have that idea of adoption. That it is somehow an "easier" way to bring a child in your family, but it is not. In the same way that God chooses the specific child that a couple will bring into their family through childbirth, He chooses the children He has planned for adoptive families. Our adoption worker told us yesterday that being matched with your child is a miracle and I believe it is just as much a miracle as childbirth. Our adoption ministers at church say, "some babies grow in their mommy's tummy, and other babies grow in their mommy's heart." This experience is stretching my heart to be filled by the abundant love I will have for my child(ren). But there are growing pains, that's for sure.

During this time we have been impacted by the stories of 6 children. Though we are unsure which if any of the 6 will be placed in our home, they will forever be in our hearts! If you remember, shortly after we were verified we were asked to consider taking 2 children at once to accommodate the need to place siblings together. The specific children we were presented with are brothers. The youngest is an almost 4 year old and the oldest brother is a recent 6. We were immediately drawn to their stories and prayed and planned for if/how we could meet their needs. We hadn't planned for day care so we had to figure out cost and availability. Ultimately we decided to submit for the boys. A few days later we were told that the boys also have 2 sisters that they are not currently placed with and CPS wants to try to find a home for all 4 to be together, possibly with a relative. We experienced our first disappointment, but these brothers have continued to be brought to our hearts and are in our prayers daily.

A couple of weeks went by and we were getting ready for vacation when we were approached about a 2 year old boy. We decided to have our home study submitted for consideration for him. We haven't heard about his status, but if we had been chosen for the RAZ we would probably know by now. The Monday after we returned from vacation, we were approached about a 5 year old boy. We submitted for him as well. Again, we haven't heard anything and we probably would have if we were supposed to.

While we were waiting to hear about the status of the 2 year old and 5 year, we were asked about another set of brothers. The phone call came the very next day after we had submitted for the 5 year old. This set of brothers consists of an 8 year old and 5 year old that we heard about 5 days before they had to be moved from their current foster home. We had to make a quick decision, so we went to work planning/preparing for their arrival including considering how to transfer their school records. We learned about them on a Wednesday and we had planned for them to move in on the following Saturday. It was a whirlwind! I asked my boss about taking time off next week to help them transition and she discussed them having a big kid shower for me when they came and we knew all their sizes and preferences. Well, because

these children's parental rights are terminated but they are waiting for the adoption prep unit at CPS to complete the formal process for finding their permanent home, this worker wanted to read our home study before deciding they would move to our home. Thursday afternoon, we were shocked when we were told by our agency, that the CPS worker did not want the boys placed with us because we are Caucasian and the boys are African American. This is the only reason she gave and she even went so far as to say that if an African American foster to adopt family couldn't be found by the deadline for the move (in two days) to move the children to an African American foster home. She made the decision that she'd rather these children be moved twice in a short period of time, then they live with us because we are Caucasian. I was angry for us, but more importantly for the boys. I spent the next several days grieving, crying at the drop of a hat and all around not functioning. I had to tell my boss and the family members we had told that they weren't coming. I could write a whole blog entry about what I think about this subject, but I will leave you this link to review the facts about the number of African American children in foster care and their increased waiting time for an adoptive family. However we are grateful for God's provision in our lives. Our agency is Christian and the adoption matching specialist we've been working with is a man of God (that happens to be African American). He told us that "some people have agendas, but God has a plan." We are holding firm to this promise in these days of uncertainty.

By Tuesday of this week, I was starting to be able to function again, resting in a bit more peace. Another curve ball came the very next afternoon. I was driving back to the office from a visit when Jeff called me and said in a very serious tone, "do you have a few minutes to talk?" I pulled into the McDonald's parking lot to hear the bombshell. A week since we had first heard about the 2nd set of brothers, we were approached again about the first set. I won't share much about how this is manifesting itself, but we feel God's hand all over it! We are cautiously hopeful that we will be closer to growing our family in the coming weeks! Please continue to keep us and the children we've mentioned in your prayers!