Morning Madness + a Shout Out

So, I said I would be real. Well, here it is. This is an email I sent to "A"s teacher this week.

Mrs. S (really I used her first name because well, we have been in this together since the beginning):

It has been one of those mornings! "J" scratched "A" in the face (see red marks on his cheek) during an early morning feud over who knows what. "A" refused to eat his breakfast (or really do anything we asked him to do) so he will likely say he is hungry later, but this is a natural consequence. In general, it was one of those mornings where you wish everyone could just go back to bed for an hour or so and then try it again. I'm sure "A" will do fine at school as usual, but I wanted to let you know.

Thanks,

Becca

And the reason I love his sweet Kindergarten teacher (that is not only an amazing teacher, but such an encouragement as a fellow mom) is her response email. It is so full of tenderness and grace not just for "A," but for us as parents as well!

Becca,

I am so sorry your day started off like that. "A" is just as happy as can be right now. He came in with a big smile on his face and ready to work. I am going to have a talk with him and see what he has to say. I just want you to know that he is the happiest little guy and it is all because of you and his dad. He is so confident at school and just happy to be who he is. That speaks volumes for the hard work and dedication of his parents. You guys are the best in my books!! Hang in there!!

Sincerely,

Mrs. S (well, again first name basis enters again here)

I hope first grade brings us another amazing teacher, but no one can beat our sweet Mrs. S!

Soccer Mom Sans Mini Van

My Facebook status this weekend gushed about how much I love my little soccer stars and being a soccer mom minus the mini van! How true it is, my friends! The boys had their first game Saturday and they did awesome! They love to be outside and running is their favorite past time so soccer is a great fit! I snapped pictures the whole time and could not have been more proud!

"J" kicking the ball with his little friend from his team...This kid totally looks like Clayton and Drew, so I want to run up and hug him even though I don't really know him!

Little "J" is on the far left. Go Dynamos!

In between soccer games, some serious father/son bonding occurred while building with Lego's!

This teenage ref. with his hand on A's shoulder was just like another coach out there! He helped the boys get the hang of the rules of the game and which goal was the one to shot for! "A" told him "good game!" afterwards. I laughed out loud and the teenager smiled proudly!

That is our little "A" in the third purple shirt from the left, right up there by the ball! Go Revolution! Between the sun (only mommy and daddy got sunburned) and the heat, we were quite fatigued afterwards! Next Saturday we will not forget the sunscreen for sure! Let us know if you want to come out and watch our little soccer stars. We'd love to give you the schedule and location information!

Insight

Not too long ago, one of my dearest friends who has known me long before either of us became moms, asked me why I never write about the hard or negative aspects of our life with the boys. She said it seems from the blog that everything is peachy. Friends, it is most definitely not! I'm grateful for her asking that difficult question and to be honest, I'm grateful that she listens to me at all. She was asking me to be authentic. I don't know if you noticed, but a while back I added a button to our blog that says "I choose authenticity". It is a reminder to me to be real. The difficulty is in knowing how to do so, while protecting my boys' reputation. You see, I'm grateful that there is not someone daily "outing" all my wrong doings to the world via the Internet. How can I therefore do that to my boys? Especially because most of their behavior is a symptom of the hurt they harbor from sins against them. Therefore, I have decided to share insight into our struggles occasionally in general terms.

The letter below was posted on a fellow sweet adoptive momma's blog recently and it means so much to me to read it and know I am not alone. So, if you are praying for our family and want to have a glimpse into our daily struggles to inform your prayers, please read on. And please know your prayers and encouragement are what get us through each day.

Dear Moms Like Me,

I know, it’s been one of those days. I have them too. Days when you feel like everything you thought you knew about being a mom, isn’t working. Days when you feel like you need to go back to “Mom School.” Days when you feel that surely someone else out there could mother your child better than you are right now. I know.

Here’s the bottom line. You’re it. You’re the one that’s there in the morning waiting to see if your child is going to wake up in a good mood or a bad mood. You’re the one that shakes your head because your child is hungry, crying for food, yet rejects everything you offer. You’re the one who cringes a tiny bit when you ask your child for a hug because you’re bracing yourself for being rejected again. You’re the one who is exhausted because it’s been one of those days where your child actually does want you- not only wants you, but won’t let you breath for a minute, and panics if you leave the room.

I was reminded recently that I need to view my child’s emotional limitations and woundedness the same way I would view a physical limitation or wound. I wouldn’t dream of getting upset with a paralyzed child for not being able to get up out of his wheelchair. I wouldn’t dream of yelling at a child with a crooked back because she can’t sit up straight. It’s sound ridiculous. And yet, because my child’s wound is hidden, I forget some moments, some days, that it is a wound indeed. It’s not my child’s fault that they were deprived of all the basic first needs of life- love, touch, words of affirmation, exercise, nutrition, peaceful sleep…. It’s just not his fault. My child is not out to get me. My child just doesn’t know how to love or be loved. My child doesn’t trust and struggles with fears that I may never truly understand.

The term “special needs” takes on a whole new meaning with an emotionally wounded child. Special needs like needing to say my name over and over and over again just to reassure himself that I am indeed “Momma.” Special needs like the need to push my buttons or repeat annoying behavior, just to see if I will reject him; because rejection is so familiar and for some crazy reason feels safe. Special needs like pressing himself hard into my body with an awkward, tense snuggle because he’s just learning how to snuggle and the sensation of being close to someone warm and safe is overwhelming.

A wise man once told me, “Your weak love is better than no love at all.” I remind myself of this on those days when I feel like I just blew it all the way around. I didn’t really blow it. I was there. I held him. I fed him. I played. I may not have done it all perfectly, but who does. You’ve had those days too. Remember though, tomorrow is a new day. Another chance to stress less and love more. Another chance to see more clearly and not take it personally. Another chance to have a sense of humor instead of a meltdown.

Hey Moms like me, you’re doing it. It’s hard work. You’re not alone. You’re loving those who were once considered unlovable. You’re looking beyond what you see on the outside and not giving up until you find what's on the inside. I’m really proud of us.

Much Love,

A Mom Who Knows

PS) You’re not alone. I promise.

Weekend Wrap Up

Let's not talk about how many times I have written a "weekend wrap up" type post on Wednesday, at least this time it is only Tuesday night! I just can't get it together, but let's face it that is what motherhood is all about. I don't claim to be "super mom" remember this post? Anyway, we had a nice weekend! We could have crammed more fun activities into our schedule but we are making a conscience effort to stay home more. The kids need it and well, so do we. Saturday Jeff and I went to a marriage seminar at our church. Again, let's be real, we NEED that too! Marriage is hard, but marriage with kids is harder, and we got 2 at once. Thank God for our church's child care! If it weren't for it and my gracious parent's we'd never have any time as just the 2 of us. Wow, I guess I'm not my normal reserved, let's not share too much personal information self. I guess fatigue will do that to you.

Anyway, Saturday night after the seminar we took the kids to the last Houston Aeros hockey game of the season. They did pretty well and seemed to enjoy it!

Plus, the Aeros won!

On Sunday we opted to spend some time at home and miss church. Our kiddos were exhausted from the late night and actually slept in and therefore so did we. Sunday afternoon we went to Jeff's parent's house to see his parents and several family members that came in town, including sweet Granddad. We enjoyed family time and the boys loved riding the tractor out to see the pecan trees and the horses!

It was a great weekend and well worth the post, even if it was a few days late! PS: I know you are all getting frustrated with looking at the back of the kids' heads, but I promise it won't be much longer!

Easter

We had a wonderful time celebrating over Easter weekend and actually for a couple of weeks leading up to it!! I love spending time with my boys and we had a lot more time to do so then most weekends, so we filled it with a lot of family fun! Since "A" was out of school for good Friday, we took a road trip to Brenham to look at all the bluebonnets and take pictures. I have always loved bluebonnets and adore family photos in them so I jumped at the chance to capture our boys in them!

They had a bit more fun walking/running in them than actually posing, but I love the candid ones just as much as the posed anyway! What handsome boys we have!

Oh, and I know bluebonnet pictures are a Texas tradition, but we met a family (who we begged to take a picture of all 4 of us together) who took this tradition to all new heights. They had ladders for the kids to sit on and 18 changes of clothes. Our boys have way too much energy to wait for that type of production, but their little girls seemed completely comfortable with it!

Anyway, on Saturday we had an Easter egg hunt in our front yard. The boys definitely got the hang of hunting eggs! "J" was so cute because he couldn't wait to pick all the eggs up first and instead chose to open each egg and put the candy in his mouth before going to pick up another. We are all about instant gratification at our house!

Later on we dyed eggs. The boys enjoyed drawing on the eggs with the magic crayons before dipping them in the dye.

Here is all their handiwork!

Easter Sunday, before church, the boys got their Easter baskets! That Easter bunny sure knows them well because they each got a brand new Hot Wheels car in their baskets!

After church, we went to my parents' house where we took some family photos of our first Easter as a family of 4, before enjoying Easter lunch! Here is a pretty good one of me and my hubby. We did a family color coordination of pastel blue and sage. It turned out pretty cute! I have to say that I have a hard time with coordinating every one's outfits for special events and photos. Shot, it is hard enough for me to coordinate my own outfit!

When we got home from Easter lunch, we made Resurrection Rolls. This was an idea I got from my sister's blog. If you go to her blog you will see some better pictures of what they are supposed to look like and the recipe.

Most of ours did not look very "empty tombish", but here is one that worked pretty well.

The significance is what is important though and the emphasis is on the empty tomb, which is really what Easter is all about! The boys are still pretty confused about the death and resurrection of Jesus. We look so forward to the day when God will pierce their hearts with the realization of their need for His everlasting life and they will accept Him as their Lord and Savior!! Until then, we are seeking Him daily as we strive to raise them to love Him!