Adoption Party

We had a party at our house this past Saturday to celebrate the boys' adoption. They were so proud and enjoyed playing with the other kids even though sharing is hard. I found this reusable plastic cake topper you can put a picture in at Michael's and I love it! I plan to use it each year when we celebrated the anniversary of the adoption.

We also got this frame with a mat for friends and family to write a special congratulatory message to the boys. We had a similar frame at our wedding, so we thought it would be a great memory for them as well. They will know how dearly loved they are every time they see it on display. I also made a Shutterfly book and calendar with pictures from our first year as a family of four.

Thanks Moore family for the coloring pad sets! The boys are big fans and so am I since the markers only write on the special paper!
Ms. Sophie and Mrs. Franklin are very popular gals in our house! Johnny talks about Sophie daily and they give each other such sweet hugs every time they see each other. They are both such affectionate little ones that Alyssa and I joke that we may have to restrict contact when they become teens!
The boys also LOVE when we get to visit with Gran and Poppa D so this day was no exception!
Meme and Papa also drove down for the party and we appreciate that so much! It was such a treat for you to share this special day with us!
The timing of the party being the weekend before Christmas made it impossible for many of our sweet friends and family to attend. Thank you to all of you that were there in spirit and we look forward to spending time with you during the new year!

Dear Sweet boys,

We could not be prouder to be your Mom and Dad! We love you more than words can describe and can't imagine our lives or family without you, our sweet blessings from God!

Love,

Mommy and Daddy

Introducing...

Angel David Albus

and

Jonathan Eli Albus

Here are some collages I made of each boy with a photo per month. It will take a while to catch you up, but there is much more to come! I can't believe how much they have grown and changed since we met!

Also, please read our post below for the details of our Adoption Day! We were featured in an article for the Houston Chronicle which you can read here. There are additional pictures in the link to the photo gallery! I was quickly endeared to the reporter when I found out she adopted an older child from the foster care system a few years ago! It was such an honor to have her write this sweet story about our adoption experience! This is a major shift from such a high level of privacy to being an open book! Although it is quite refreshing if you ask this proud Momma of 2!

Adoption Day

Wow, what a whirlwind of wonderfulness! November 19, 2010 will go down in the history of our family as hugely monumental! Right up there with our wedding day as one of the happiest days for us! I really can't put into words the feeling of relief and joy we feel to finally be recognized as a forever family! We have loved the boys since day 1 and truly felt like family, but this day sealed the deal. We couldn't be happier or feel more blessed to finally be here!

I am sure we will reach all new heights in the multitude of pictures on our blog for the next few weeks because these proud parents have held back for WAY too long! Thanks for your patience in looking at the back of their heads for 14 months! But now, behold the preciousness that is our boys!

Here is a photo of our little family outside the courtroom waiting our turn. The courts were celebrating National Adoption Day so we were one of 30 families finalizing adoptions in the 3 family courts downtown. Thankfully we were at the top of the docket!

My sweet sister drove all the way from Dallas to share the day with us! Thank you Sarah for making the long trip and for capturing our day in pictures!

Here we are getting sworn in and testifying. We were so blown away by the friends and family that came to be with us and by those praying and supporting us that could not be in attendance. Sweet friends from our Sunday School class, our adoption ministry, and my mom's Bible Study all took time out of their busy schedules to share in our joy! We could not be more grateful for the community we have found!

Many organizations and individuals donated their time and resources to make this day of celebration special for all the adoptive families! This picture was taken just after the adoption when the boys got their stuffed animals.

Dear lady in black,

I don't know who you are. However, you made it into one of my favorite shots from the day and therefore on the blog.

The official shot behind the bench. Jonathan may have grabbed a couple more stuffed animals as we shimmied our way back there. Little mischievous man!

This sign, professional family photos in a special frame, and a party with cake were all very sweet gestures from those who organized Harris County's celebration of National Adoption Day! The boys could barely carry all their stuffed animals, but they were happy to try!

After we left the court's celebration, we continued the fun with a family lunch at the Grotto. You can find previous posts here, here, and here about the significance of this restaurant. But it was where Jeff and I had our first real date, our rehearsal dinner, and anniversary dinners. The boys had never been to a fancy restaurant so it was a special treat! Angel may have written his name, in pen, on the cloth napkin. We are a paper napkin kind of family so who can blame him!

My mom (Gran) and dad (Poppa D) joined us for lunch, along with my sister Sarah and nephew Clayton. When Sarah told Clayton that she was coming to the boys' adoption, he told her he wanted to come too! These three boys have so much fun together and are such sweet cousins!

My parents are such proud grandparents and loved getting a photo with 3 of their 4 grandsons!

All 3 boys were well behaved at the restaurant and loved the special boy treat of octopus on the appetizer plate!! Angel and Clayton both tried their own little one and split the big one. I guess I'm officially a boy mom because I proudly took a picture!

The boys also loved the fancy dessert complete with sparkler! The waiter gave us some unlit ones for them to take home. Needless to say those are still unlit for now. What a fun treat and great ending to an amazing lunch!

We headed home and were welcomed with another wonderful surprise!

Our sweet daddy/hubby had celebratory flowers delivered!

The boys took a nap as they were exhausted from all the excitement of the day! Jeff and I tried to nap, but ended up having a great talk about how surreal it all was instead. Then the four of us rented Toy Story 3 and ordered pizza. What a truly perfect day we had! Thank you to all of you who shared it with us both in person and in spirit!

Adoption Eve

Oh.My.Goodness!! I cannot believe we finally made it to Adoption Day! The boys are in bed and I am praying they get good rest for tomorrow. Although Jeff and I have already discussed that we are going to be too excited to sleep! Everything is as ready as it is going to be at this point and I could not be happier to be mere hours away from being official! Thank you to all of our family and friends that have prayed for and supported us over the past 14 months. We are so blessed to have a community of people surrounding our family with encouragement and love. Those of you that will be in attendance tomorrow, thank you for being available. Your presence will mean so much! I am going to go wrap a few things up before trying to sleep!

Family Portraits - "A" & "J" Style

I had several really proud mommy moments lately and I just had to share a couple with you. "A" has been processing what it means to be a family and what adoption means for some time now, but we really thought "J" was sort of in a state of confusion about the whole thing. Well, the other day "J" came home with this drawing and told us it was our family. He identified each person in relationship to one another. This is the very first time he has ever done that! He's drawn pictures with some of us in it but never all of us! He told us that the first person on the left is "A" because he is the bigger brother, then himself, then Daddy and then Mommy. I thought, yay, he is catching on. Then yesterday when I was taking him to school, he asked me if we could tell his teacher his name is going to change. He said he keeps forgetting to tell her. I was THE proudest Momma when he and I walked up to her and he told her his new full name.

For comparison sake, here is one of "A"s first family portraits from February 2010. I remember thinking, "great, he thinks my hips are huge, but at least I have good hair!"

We couldn't be happier to be just ONE week away from officially becoming a forever family with our precious boys!

Oh Happy Day!

Yesterday we received the phone call that we have been waiting for over 13 months to receive. We were given THE date. The date the courts catch up with what God sealed in our hearts from day one. Friday, Novemeber 19, 2010 is the day we will finalize "A" and "J"s adoption! We are going to be finalizing on a special day for the courts as they are celebrating National Adoption Day which is the next day. There will be a photographer present and a few other additional touches. It is just so neat how it worked out that we get to share our special day with others and celebrate not only our family, but adoption in general! This coming Tuesday we have our last home visit from the caseworker and agency worker. We will be doing the adoption placement at this time as well. We are so excited!! We are looking forward to forever with our precious boys! Thanks for your prayers on this journey. We have loved sharing our story with you and hope you will continue to follow us on all of the adventures to come. Oh, and soon, very soon...there will be ONLY full on face pictures of those sweet smiles!

One small step for mankind, one giant leap for us!

This will be short, but I had to post something quick! Jeff and I are on our way to go read the file we have been waiting for 5 months to receive. We don't get a copy until finalization, but this will provide a lot more information than we have had previously. The file is supposedly huge, 6 giant binders full! My prayer is that it will provide us with answers to the questions our boys will have as they grow up and maybe even some pictures. Please pray for God's presence to give us peace as we grieve for their hurts and look toward a bright future as a soon to be forever family!

Another Dose of Authenticity

So, considering that there was very little feedback (thanks mom and Sarah for your sweet comments) on my last post, perhaps these raw emotion blog posts are not so popular. Still, this is where we are at and this is life, so it is definitely worth documenting.

We are truly blessed beyond measure and so grateful for the joys in our life. But things have been rough lately. We are experiencing some difficult circumstances and I have been told by those I confide in that they too would struggle with them. I am not trying to have a pity party, just trying to be real. All this to say, tension is high at times in our house anyway.

Well, today I told myself I would be proactive. Our kiddos always struggle when the agency workers come to visit. It throws them completely off. Their anxiety shots through the roof and because they are still too young to have appropriate coping strategies for this level of stress, their behavior reflects their anxiety. As I have mentioned before, I struggle with remaining emotionally neutral in my parenting, so this is a recipe for disaster. Today I told them what time our agency worker was coming and rehearsed with them that we would all sit at the table and they could color while I chatted with her. Well, that lasted about 5 minutes into the hour long visit. Then they lost control....running, hitting, throwing, disrespect galore! I tried not to lose control too but basically every time the worker leaves I want to cry. Not because of her. All our workers are very sweet, but just because their presence strikes a cord so deep in my boys that they will be taken away again. They don't realize it, but that is why they act the way they do. "A" even told the very same worker last month he wanted to be with us forever unprompted after over an hour of behavior that would have easily convinced her of the opposite.

LORD HELP! I have more of these visits scheduled with the other 2 case workers we have later this week. I don't know why they all wait until the last week of the month to schedule their visits. Any suggestions and or prayers are greatly appreciated!

The Long Awaited Update

That may seem like a strange title to those of you that are frequent readers. Though I'm guessing there aren't many of you left since a lot of the joy of reading blogs is looking at pictures and ours are all of the backs of our kids' heads. So silly looking!

Anyway my posts, though still not daily, are more consistent lately and for that I am proud. However, I have provided very little information updating you on the adoption process. That will come in this very post, but I am going to build some anticipation by making you wait....I know, not fair, but oh so fun!

I always stress majorly over teachers' gifts!! I just love our boys' teachers dearly and appreciate their dedication to our kiddos even more! So, nothing, particularly that I can afford, seems like enough! This year I polled my teacher friends for ideas and they recommended gift cards. I didn't want to just give a gift card in an envelope so I made a "welcome to your relaxing summer vacation kit". I found a similar idea here. Our version had a pretty beach towel rolled up and tied with ribbon and a travel size bottle of sun screen, in a small beach bag I got at Target for the cost of a plain old gift bag, and a sweet thank you card complete with a Sonic gift card! I went for the "if I were a teacher this is what I would want" factor. Hopefully they liked it, but if not I heard there is some sort of gift card swap teachers do. I'm pretty sure it is somewhat secretive, but I just put it on my blog so I guess it isn't a secret any longer! ;) Anyway, here's a picture of the finished product.

Today is the first full day of summer vacation and we celebrated by having a donut breakfast and playing outside with sidewalk chalk and the sand box. Looks like it will be a frequent occurrence this summer! Not the donuts...that is a VERY rare treat at our house with 2 extremely energetic boys. But the chalk and outdoor play is here to stay though we may have to do most of it in the shade with this crazy Houston heat!
Now on to the adoption update. We are still doing back of the head pictures so I'm sure you have guessed the adoption is not finalized and this is true. In fact it seems it will be a few more months still. I have had a lot of questions and I know it seems like it is taking forever so thanks for continuing to show interest. It has not been an easy road, though I will argue with anyone that thinks periods of waiting are ever easy. We finished up 2009 with some certainty that we would be able to adopt the boys, but the new year brought a giant road bump that looked like a closed door. It was one of the most difficult times of our lives made even more difficult by the inability to share our situation in it's entirety with you, our sweet friends and family. However, in March the apparent closed door swung wide open in a way that only God could have orchestrated. PRAISE GOD who is the Author and Perfecter of our Faith and Sovereign over every aspect of our lives! We were notified that we are in fact the family that has been chosen by the state to adopt the boys and we are over joyed! The waiting isn't over though.

The next step is for us to read the boys' file with all the information that the state has regarding their history. We can't do this until the file is redacted. This is some sort of legal process of taking out aspects of the wording before it can be released. Anyway, it has been taking on average of 5 1/2 months in our county for this process to be completed!! And, it couldn't start until we were chosen to adopt the boys so....If you do the math it will still be 2 or 3 months before we can read the file! Ridiculous I know, but bureaucracy is by nature slower than Christmas! Though we know in our hearts that we are a complete family and the name change is a formality, we truly are so eager to complete this process. We want to go on with life as a family of 4 minus all the extra people and scrutiny! At the same time, we recognize that our wait is very short and has been filled with much less uncertainty in comparison to most people that chose to adopt through the foster care system. On that note, we have experienced such joy in witnessing 3 families who have deeply touched our lives and encouraged us in our adoption process finalize adoptions over the last couple of months! We have seen God work through the beautiful process of adoption to change these lives forever! Therefore, we are encouraged to wait on Him to move in our situation as well because He is so very good to us! Thank you all for your love, encouragement, and most of all your prayers!

P.S.: This clearly should have been 2 separate posts so thanks for hanging in there with me!

Insight

Not too long ago, one of my dearest friends who has known me long before either of us became moms, asked me why I never write about the hard or negative aspects of our life with the boys. She said it seems from the blog that everything is peachy. Friends, it is most definitely not! I'm grateful for her asking that difficult question and to be honest, I'm grateful that she listens to me at all. She was asking me to be authentic. I don't know if you noticed, but a while back I added a button to our blog that says "I choose authenticity". It is a reminder to me to be real. The difficulty is in knowing how to do so, while protecting my boys' reputation. You see, I'm grateful that there is not someone daily "outing" all my wrong doings to the world via the Internet. How can I therefore do that to my boys? Especially because most of their behavior is a symptom of the hurt they harbor from sins against them. Therefore, I have decided to share insight into our struggles occasionally in general terms.

The letter below was posted on a fellow sweet adoptive momma's blog recently and it means so much to me to read it and know I am not alone. So, if you are praying for our family and want to have a glimpse into our daily struggles to inform your prayers, please read on. And please know your prayers and encouragement are what get us through each day.

Dear Moms Like Me,

I know, it’s been one of those days. I have them too. Days when you feel like everything you thought you knew about being a mom, isn’t working. Days when you feel like you need to go back to “Mom School.” Days when you feel that surely someone else out there could mother your child better than you are right now. I know.

Here’s the bottom line. You’re it. You’re the one that’s there in the morning waiting to see if your child is going to wake up in a good mood or a bad mood. You’re the one that shakes your head because your child is hungry, crying for food, yet rejects everything you offer. You’re the one who cringes a tiny bit when you ask your child for a hug because you’re bracing yourself for being rejected again. You’re the one who is exhausted because it’s been one of those days where your child actually does want you- not only wants you, but won’t let you breath for a minute, and panics if you leave the room.

I was reminded recently that I need to view my child’s emotional limitations and woundedness the same way I would view a physical limitation or wound. I wouldn’t dream of getting upset with a paralyzed child for not being able to get up out of his wheelchair. I wouldn’t dream of yelling at a child with a crooked back because she can’t sit up straight. It’s sound ridiculous. And yet, because my child’s wound is hidden, I forget some moments, some days, that it is a wound indeed. It’s not my child’s fault that they were deprived of all the basic first needs of life- love, touch, words of affirmation, exercise, nutrition, peaceful sleep…. It’s just not his fault. My child is not out to get me. My child just doesn’t know how to love or be loved. My child doesn’t trust and struggles with fears that I may never truly understand.

The term “special needs” takes on a whole new meaning with an emotionally wounded child. Special needs like needing to say my name over and over and over again just to reassure himself that I am indeed “Momma.” Special needs like the need to push my buttons or repeat annoying behavior, just to see if I will reject him; because rejection is so familiar and for some crazy reason feels safe. Special needs like pressing himself hard into my body with an awkward, tense snuggle because he’s just learning how to snuggle and the sensation of being close to someone warm and safe is overwhelming.

A wise man once told me, “Your weak love is better than no love at all.” I remind myself of this on those days when I feel like I just blew it all the way around. I didn’t really blow it. I was there. I held him. I fed him. I played. I may not have done it all perfectly, but who does. You’ve had those days too. Remember though, tomorrow is a new day. Another chance to stress less and love more. Another chance to see more clearly and not take it personally. Another chance to have a sense of humor instead of a meltdown.

Hey Moms like me, you’re doing it. It’s hard work. You’re not alone. You’re loving those who were once considered unlovable. You’re looking beyond what you see on the outside and not giving up until you find what's on the inside. I’m really proud of us.

Much Love,

A Mom Who Knows

PS) You’re not alone. I promise.

Daily Dependence

So I try hard not to get on soup boxes on here because in general I don't want to offend anyone, but today it may seem like I am on one. Perhaps I am, but what I really want to convey through all of this is our faith in God's sovereignty and our love of our precious boys.

We are going through a particularly difficult junction in our journey as a family with daily reminders of how fleeting it all could be. Maybe I'm wrong, but I think this particular experience is not something most families encounter. Perhaps just foster/adoptive families and families who journey through life threatening health issues share this practical daily need to treasure every moment. We are in the midst of doing just that and truly I am so grateful that I have the honor of spending every day with our boys, especially at this time of uncertainty. Speaking of uncertainty, it has placed a tremendous strain on all of of our earthly relationships. Friendships that once brought mutual encouragement, have become distant and injured by very vulnerable emotions. At the same time, a couple of friendships have flourished and grown and provided me in particular an outlet to share my heart freely without fear. For these I am very grateful. One sweet friend recently drew my attention to the verses that follow the verse we have on the boys wall. I have begun praying this truth over us and our boys. The entire passage of Isaiah 43 is awesome but here are some particularly powerful verses for our present circumstance:

When you pass through the waters,
I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers,
they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire,
you will not be burned;
the flames will not set you ablaze.

³ For I am the LORD, your God,
the Holy One of Israel, your Savior;
I give Egypt for your ransom,
Cush and Seba in your stead.

⁴ Since you are precious and honored in my sight,
and because I love you,
I will give men in exchange for you,
and people in exchange for your life.

⁵ Do not be afraid, for I am with you;

Through these verses I am reminded of God's characteristic of sacrificial love which protects His children at all costs!

While praying recently about our situation and seeking God's wisdom. He very clearly gave me another verse which I pray many times a day to center myself on His sovereign plan for our family and His ultimate will to receive glory. Again, the entire chapter brings comfort but this little phrase is always on my lips:

^{Psalm 46:10}

"Be still, and know that I am God;
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth."

Please continue to pray for us as we grow closer to God and to one another during this difficult time of uncertainty. Your prayers and encouragement on our behalf truly mean more to us than we can express!

Recent Happenings

These pictures have been uploaded to blogger for days just waiting for some clever commentary. Unfortunately I'm afraid I'm all out of clever. Sorry people, but I'll do my best! My pictures are lame I know-hands, back of heads, and other random things but these glimpses show a bit of what we've been up to.

Legacy 685, our churches adoption ministry had a sweet home coming celebration for us and one other family. We shared our story and our boys got to show off a bit too.

Speaking of show offs-look who was Falcon of the Week at school recently. "A" and I made this book all about him to share with his class. He also got to bring a show and tell item (a car of course), and put items in the estimation jar-you guessed it-cars again. Our guys always have at least one car in hand at all times! I find them all over the house daily wherever one boy hid them from the other one!

I am now the proud mother of 2 pro basketball players in the making. Both boys are by far the smallest on their team, but they are oh so cute in their uniforms. Little "J" is #7! Go Spurs! He spent the first game reaching for his coach to pick him up and running over to sit with us. Thanks Gran and Poppa D for showing your support and watching the games! The boys loved having you there!

4 year olds are totally enthralled in everything the coaches have to say as you can tell...

This was "J"s favorite part-the post game snack. That's Mommy's boy!

"A" is #5 on the Kings. He's getting the hang of it, but was a bit too excited at times so we are working on remaining calm and playing kind.

That's my "A" in the huddle, a full head shorter than all his teammates. "A" is very popular at school, especially among the girls. Ugh...this momma is SO not ready for that! After his first BBall game we rushed off to a birthday party for a couple of his biggest fans-twins Claire and Kate. A fun Build a Bear party was a great way to finish out a great Saturday afternoon.

This is Claire-guess who is just over her left shoulder. Yep, "A" definitely caught her eye.

Thankfully her super cute sister, Kate was able to focus on the camera. She cracked me up! She asked if she could dance while they sang happy birthday. Totally something "A" would do! She and "A" have the same moves-arms and legs swinging in total bliss when they dance!

Give Life

We will update you on our fun Saturday of basketball games and birthday parties soon, but today we are focusing on a prayer of thanksgiving and intercession. This week we have all been praying for the country of Haiti and the families forever changed by the devastation. One family we know of has adopted 2 children from Haiti, one of which is still in the country. Please join us in praying for the Ivey's and their son, Amos as well as all the families experiencing similar heartache and fear.

Today we also stop to pray as a part of Sanctity of Life Sunday. Many of you probably took part in this day of remembrance and prayer that seeks to shed light on the dark issue of abortion. Houston is especially broken today because tomorrow the 2nd largest abortion clinic in the world will open here. You can read more about the effort local churches are making to make a peaceful stand against this facility and for the unborn at this site. I encourage you to watch the video as well which only takes a few moments but will surely change the way you think about this issue.

Today in the service I was reminded to pray for our children's birth mother for the very first time. I have let her remain nameless and faceless in my mind until today, mainly out of fear of the feelings I might have towards her. Her name is on the children's birth certificates, which I have but I never really took note of it. I could chose to hold such anger towards her for the choices she made which have had life altering effects on them. The choices she made that did not protect them and instead harmed them are always on my mind. This is where I have been, but today I chose to be grateful that she chose life for my boys. I will forever be endeared to her for that, because of them. I will also pray that God will capture her heart for Him and make her a new creation for His glory.

Psalm 139

13For you created my inmost being;

you knit me together in my mother’s womb.

14I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;

your works are wonderful,

I know that full well.

15My frame was not hidden from you

when I was made in the secret place.

When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,

16your eyes saw my unformed body.

All the days ordained for me

were written in your book

before one of them came to be.

God's Provision through the Journey

I have spent the morning reminiscing in preparation for a very important day in our family. Tonight we will be having a "welcome Home" celebration to honor ours and other families who have recently welcomed children. This is probably as close to a "baby dedication" as we will get and so we are very excited to share our story with other families walking this beautiful road to adoption! We have been asked to share a few words about our journey to adoption and how we have seen God's hand in the boys lives since they joined our family.

I cannot look back on our journey without an overwhelming sense of joy and gratitude washing over me! It was unexpected and unconventional, but it brought us our boys and for that we will be forever grateful! It started over a year ago in November 2008, just about the time our adoption ministry at church had their first meeting-this is definitely no coincidence! We have had the opportunity to be prayed for and ministered to by sweet families at exactly the time we needed it most. My prayer is that now we can do the same and really grow in leadership. Since it's beginning, the group which began with a handful of people considering, having already adopted, or pursuing adoption has grown and many children have found their forever families. It doesn't get much better than that!

Minor and Major Adjustments

As you can imagine, the last couple of weeks have been filled with a LOT of adjustment for us and especially for the boys. Some have been easier than others and the very emotional experience the 4 of us have shared will remain between the 4 of us for now. As much as I value the authenticity we often share with you all, these experiences are much too private to share in such a public forum! So for now, take my word for it when I say it has been intense!

That said, I do feel we have turned a corner and the days are becoming more routine and predictable which I really appreciate! We have made some minor adjustments/improvements to our home as well to make the boys feel more at home. For one, our unused formal dining area has become a play room. There is much work to be done and we will slowly build their toy collection, but it is a good start! We have cubies and fabric drawers that the boys chose in their favorite colors. Jeff's dad and brother also switched out the light fixture to a more kid friendly one. I like how it is shaping up.

The boys also chose their bedding and spent their first week enjoying it! They LOVE cars and trucks so it was no surprise to us that they chose this theme!! There is also a really cute night light not shown in the picture that is J's favorite part. Of course he chose the $12 accessory as his favorite! He also loves to play with boxes so he is a very easy (and cheap) kid to please! This is a good thing, especially since we are having his birthday party next weekend! On another side note, we say the verse on the boys' wall every night as part of our bedtime routine. We are proud to report that A memorized it in less than a week! He also told me the other day, "Mommy, I really like the word Isaiah!"
We are leaving tonight for our first road trip as a family of 4! We will be taking the boys to the Dallas area to visit my sister and her fam and go to Six Flags. Our boys are SO excited!

Confessions of a Brand New Mommy

Sorry for the delay! I am the third member of our family of 4 to catch the sick bug. I know you have been waiting for our big post where I share all the slip ups I made over the last 2 weeks. Well, here it is, but I am limiting myself to the 5 most interesting. There were countless more! Some of them are silly and some of them are not, but for the sake of being real....

1. I have 4 loads of clean laundry getting wrinkled as we speak on the couch and another one in the dryer. I chose to spend precious free time blogging instead of folding. Yes, our children are wearing clean clothes. As for me and Jeff, I plead the 5th!

2. I raised my voice and lost my patience with my boys more times than I care to admit this week

3. I bribe my kids nightly with a Popsicle if they eat all their dinner. Whatever, it works!

4. I gave my kid the night time formula of cough syrup at nap time so I could try to get some rest too. We are both sick, it is the best I can do!

5. I cried in the car pool line after being accosted by a school bus driver and a crossing guard for not adhering to the unspoken, but apparently rigid rules of car pool etiquette. No, I was not on my cell phone...at least I didn't make that mistake.

Boy am I grateful for God's grace and the unconditional love of my boys and hubby! Seriously, while drying my tears from blunder #5, this song came on the radio. Through listening to the words of, There's no Such Thing As Perfect People, God reminded me that I am nothing without Him. He continues to remind me daily to relay on Him because let's face it people...There's no such thing as Perfect Parents either!

Welcome home, A & J!

I have a lot to share and don't really know how to put into words the udder joy we have experienced since our precious boys came home 5 days ago!! Everyone that meets them is instantly charmed by their sweet, endearing, kind hearted spirits!! It also doesn't hurt that they both have the cutest little dimples! We are learning more about them each day and are prayerful that the transition will run as smoothly as possible. Please forgive me as I brag a bit more specifically about each boy!

* "A" is an energetic 6 year old that brightens every room with his giant smile and excitement!! A perfect example of his little personality occurred yesterday. He bounced into his classroom for the first time and got into mischief right away. His teacher thought she was going to have her hands full with him, but she quickly learned as we did, that A is eager to win praise from the important adults in his life and responds well to re-direction. He also is very affectionate and tells us he loves us several times a day, usually coupled with giant hugs and sometimes kisses too! He is very insightful as well, usually reading between the lines if we try to have an adult conversation around him. From the very first day, he has been inquiring about whether we will be his mommy and daddy forever. This and his frequent requests to see his sisters, make the unknown future so difficult to bear!! I want with all my heart to reassure him that he has a forever home with us, but we do not have the power to decide that and this fact is so troubling. No one wants to set their child up for heartache, but I am powerless to protect him from it! Though I can't imagine our lives without the boys now, I am an adult and am willing to risk having my heart ripped out but ultimately our child is asking if it is safe to bond with us and we have no way to reassure him!! Please keep sweet "A" and his tender heart in your prayers!

*"J" will be 4 next month. He and my mom share a birthday! He is shy at first, but quickly warms up and is also a very affectionate kiddo! J and A are always thankful and I treasure the sweet ways they express gratitude. Whether that's "thank you for dinner mommy" or the cheers and hugs when I make their bed they are always making sure I know they appreciate all I do for them. J is also very sensitive emotionally and makes sure to tell me "I'm mad" when he goes to time out. He also asked me yesterday if I was mad when I guess I was wearing my frustration and fatigue on my face. Because of their pleasing nature and emotional sensitivity, I'm reminded daily of my need to parent from a firm but emotionally balanced place. I could not have dreamed for kids that's hearts are so pure and sensitive and I am convicted to protect them with everything I have!!

Well, I will leave you with that and apologize in advance for the disappointment you will feel that you can't see their sweet faces, but of course you understand our practical need to protect our boys' identity. Thanks for respecting their privacy and we hope all of you will be able to meet them in person and experience some of the joy we have the honor of experiencing daily with our precious boys!

Stay tuned for "Confessions of a Brand new Mommy" coming in the next couple of days!

Tomorrow is THE day

Tonight Jeff and I spent our last evening as a family of 2! Tomorrow, our lives will change forever! I won't say much now, but we are blessed to be welcoming 2 brothers ages 4 and 6 years old into our hearts and our home!

The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly Truth

WARNING - This is a long post.

It was 6 1/2 weeks ago that I wrote this entry to share the news that we were officially a waiting family. I know I haven't shared much since then about the matching process we are going through and to be honest I didn't know how much I wanted to share. It has been gut wrenching and a compete emotional roller coaster! I have decided though that I need to be transparent and as scared as I am to be vulnerable during this time, God has called me to do so.

I would love to tell you that this process has been all smiles and warm fuzzes, but it hasn't. Most people have that idea of adoption. That it is somehow an "easier" way to bring a child in your family, but it is not. In the same way that God chooses the specific child that a couple will bring into their family through childbirth, He chooses the children He has planned for adoptive families. Our adoption worker told us yesterday that being matched with your child is a miracle and I believe it is just as much a miracle as childbirth. Our adoption ministers at church say, "some babies grow in their mommy's tummy, and other babies grow in their mommy's heart." This experience is stretching my heart to be filled by the abundant love I will have for my child(ren). But there are growing pains, that's for sure.

During this time we have been impacted by the stories of 6 children. Though we are unsure which if any of the 6 will be placed in our home, they will forever be in our hearts! If you remember, shortly after we were verified we were asked to consider taking 2 children at once to accommodate the need to place siblings together. The specific children we were presented with are brothers. The youngest is an almost 4 year old and the oldest brother is a recent 6. We were immediately drawn to their stories and prayed and planned for if/how we could meet their needs. We hadn't planned for day care so we had to figure out cost and availability. Ultimately we decided to submit for the boys. A few days later we were told that the boys also have 2 sisters that they are not currently placed with and CPS wants to try to find a home for all 4 to be together, possibly with a relative. We experienced our first disappointment, but these brothers have continued to be brought to our hearts and are in our prayers daily.

A couple of weeks went by and we were getting ready for vacation when we were approached about a 2 year old boy. We decided to have our home study submitted for consideration for him. We haven't heard about his status, but if we had been chosen for the RAZ we would probably know by now. The Monday after we returned from vacation, we were approached about a 5 year old boy. We submitted for him as well. Again, we haven't heard anything and we probably would have if we were supposed to.

While we were waiting to hear about the status of the 2 year old and 5 year, we were asked about another set of brothers. The phone call came the very next day after we had submitted for the 5 year old. This set of brothers consists of an 8 year old and 5 year old that we heard about 5 days before they had to be moved from their current foster home. We had to make a quick decision, so we went to work planning/preparing for their arrival including considering how to transfer their school records. We learned about them on a Wednesday and we had planned for them to move in on the following Saturday. It was a whirlwind! I asked my boss about taking time off next week to help them transition and she discussed them having a big kid shower for me when they came and we knew all their sizes and preferences. Well, because

these children's parental rights are terminated but they are waiting for the adoption prep unit at CPS to complete the formal process for finding their permanent home, this worker wanted to read our home study before deciding they would move to our home. Thursday afternoon, we were shocked when we were told by our agency, that the CPS worker did not want the boys placed with us because we are Caucasian and the boys are African American. This is the only reason she gave and she even went so far as to say that if an African American foster to adopt family couldn't be found by the deadline for the move (in two days) to move the children to an African American foster home. She made the decision that she'd rather these children be moved twice in a short period of time, then they live with us because we are Caucasian. I was angry for us, but more importantly for the boys. I spent the next several days grieving, crying at the drop of a hat and all around not functioning. I had to tell my boss and the family members we had told that they weren't coming. I could write a whole blog entry about what I think about this subject, but I will leave you this link to review the facts about the number of African American children in foster care and their increased waiting time for an adoptive family. However we are grateful for God's provision in our lives. Our agency is Christian and the adoption matching specialist we've been working with is a man of God (that happens to be African American). He told us that "some people have agendas, but God has a plan." We are holding firm to this promise in these days of uncertainty.

By Tuesday of this week, I was starting to be able to function again, resting in a bit more peace. Another curve ball came the very next afternoon. I was driving back to the office from a visit when Jeff called me and said in a very serious tone, "do you have a few minutes to talk?" I pulled into the McDonald's parking lot to hear the bombshell. A week since we had first heard about the 2nd set of brothers, we were approached again about the first set. I won't share much about how this is manifesting itself, but we feel God's hand all over it! We are cautiously hopeful that we will be closer to growing our family in the coming weeks! Please continue to keep us and the children we've mentioned in your prayers!

E Entertainment

Well, no real news about a possible adoption placement yet. We heard back that the two brothers we were asked to consider will be placed with their sisters, possibly with an aunt. So, we have been waiting and in the mean time got a call to provide respite for a 2 year old this weekend. Respite is an opportunity for waiting families like us to take care of children for foster families who need a break.

We picked up E on Friday night and had a blast with him all weekend!! We stopped off first at the Stephenson's house. They graciously offered to have us over for dinner and so they got to meet little E as well. After that we were off to our house for bath time and bedtime routines. E has the most beautiful smile, with a little dimple and everything!! I wish I could show it to you! But you do get to see pictures of some of the fun things we did and places we went!

I have always wanted to go to the Children's Museum, but they frown upon grown ups that go with no kids, so we'd never been. Well, we jumped at the chance to take E. We were there right at 10 AM Saturday when they opened and there was already a line outside!! This is one popular place and we quickly learned why! It is AWESOME!This area was one of E's favorites. He loved to watch the water and he really loved being outside! I guess he didn't mind the heat even though he always told us when he was hot and cold! That kid has quite the vocabulary for being 24 months old!
E loved the way the water felt on his sweet little hand! I had to keep cropping out his face and poor kid always said "cheese" not knowing I was just getting his hands!
Jeff really liked the turtles so this picture is for him! There were also dragon flies flying around!
This robot made out of old telephones was also one of Jeff's favorites! Mine too actually, although E was more into picking up the phone at the base and saying "hello."
How sweet is this picture of my hubby holding E's hand outside the museum!?! Jeff is totally a natural and helped me keep my cool all weekend! What a great daddy he will be!
This picture is for my mom because she loaned us this book and E loved it!
Harvey was so gentle with E! I was pleasantly surprised!! He let him pull his tail and hang all over him. He was a little unsure of the crib and the snoring sound coming from it, but other than that he was totally chill!
Thanks Aunt Jenny for letting us borrow the blocks and toys! E loved them!! They kept him busy every play time we spent at home!

On Sunday morning we took E to church. It was our first time ever dropping a child off at the pre-school ministry. We were nervous that they would ask for some kind of documentation that we were supposed to have the child. However, they didn't ask and it was an easy check in process. We were also worried how E would do for three hours while we went to Bible Study and worship service. They gave us a pager and thankfully it did not go off. The class director when we went to get him said that he did great. We received several strange looks from our friends - hey these people didn't have a kid, and all of a sudden they have one - How awesome!

We have been sad since we dropped E off this evening! He was such a fun little guy and a pleasure to take care of! His foster family is very sweet though and we know he is in great hands! We sent a little note with him with a picture of us to remember us by and offered to provide respite for him again anytime!

Please continue to pray for us that God will use this waiting time to continue to grow and prepare us for our new role as parents! We leave Saturday for Colorado so prayers for safe travel and relaxation are also much appreciated!