Heart to Heart

So, I usually try to be positive. People close to me would probably describe me that way. However, I have learned throughout my life that authenticity is a much more favorable characteristic. I don't necessarily love to show people the non-"shiny happy people" side of myself, but lately I have had no other choice. In fact I usually prefer just to hide all together when I am feeling stressed or overwhelmed. Up until this point in our journey with our boys, I have pretty much done just that. That's not an option any more though because this will eat me up if I do.

Things have been hard to say the least, but God has brought us through all kinds of challenges in life and I know He will do the same for us now. Jeff and I are no stranger to difficulty and we have made it through job loss, health issues, and stressful family situations already in our short 2 1/2 year marriage. So, there's a taste of the positive spin. The Lord has been growing us to trust Him, which is always a lesson I need to receive a refresher on.

The icky part is that it is really easy to feel isolated. I cried through church on Sunday, surrounded by young couples like us experiencing new parenthood much differently than us. It is difficult to explain because I don't covet their experience and I know it brings it's own set of trials. I do however wish for camaraderie. The "we are all in this together" kind of feeling that many new parents bond with. We however know no one in a similar situation to our own. Well, I should say we didn't know anyone else.

We have been immensely blessed by an adoption ministry we are a part of at our church. One of the sweet couples we met there, though they are parenting a precious baby girl, reached out to us. She offered to connect us with their neighbor who has adopted siblings through CPS. She mentioned it to me on several occasions before she sat me down and made me schedule a date and time to meet. Though I longed for this connection, I was nervous at the same time to be vulnerable - to admit I didn't have it all together.

Well, today was the day. "J" and I went to my sweet friend's house where she had prepared a lovely breakfast and she watched the kids while I met my new Mommy friend. This experienced Mom encouraged me, hugged me, and shared her story. Giving me information, but most importantly making sure I knew I wasn't alone. This was such a precious gift. She gave me her number and made me promise to call her when I need it. Another blessing I couldn't have asked for, but truly needed. I have also been connected through Facebook to another friend of a friend with a story like ours. God has been so good to us to bring people into our lives to encourage us! So, forgive me if I'm not in a "shiny happy people" kind of mood next time we talk or meet, but please just love me through it. I think that's what community is all about and even more so the body of Christ. I don't know where we got the idea that we had to hide all of our troubles from each other, but I know it wasn't from Christ. He offers quite the opposite model for redemption and love.