We are truly blessed beyond measure and so grateful for the joys in our life. But things have been rough lately. We are experiencing some difficult circumstances and I have been told by those I confide in that they too would struggle with them. I am not trying to have a pity party, just trying to be real. All this to say, tension is high at times in our house anyway.
Well, today I told myself I would be proactive. Our kiddos always struggle when the agency workers come to visit. It throws them completely off. Their anxiety shots through the roof and because they are still too young to have appropriate coping strategies for this level of stress, their behavior reflects their anxiety. As I have mentioned before, I struggle with remaining emotionally neutral in my parenting, so this is a recipe for disaster. Today I told them what time our agency worker was coming and rehearsed with them that we would all sit at the table and they could color while I chatted with her. Well, that lasted about 5 minutes into the hour long visit. Then they lost control....running, hitting, throwing, disrespect galore! I tried not to lose control too but basically every time the worker leaves I want to cry. Not because of her. All our workers are very sweet, but just because their presence strikes a cord so deep in my boys that they will be taken away again. They don't realize it, but that is why they act the way they do. "A" even told the very same worker last month he wanted to be with us forever unprompted after over an hour of behavior that would have easily convinced her of the opposite.
LORD HELP! I have more of these visits scheduled with the other 2 case workers we have later this week. I don't know why they all wait until the last week of the month to schedule their visits. Any suggestions and or prayers are greatly appreciated!
6 comments:
Is it possible for you to just let the boys play in their room/play room and/or watch a movie, while the CW visits? Our CWs never expected to have much interaction with Maggie. Now, that could be because of her age, but just a thought. I never told Maggie that anyone was coming (again, she was too young to understand it anyway) but when they did show up, she totally freaked out. It's so sad to see them go through those moments and feel helpless. Just know that they are aware that you are there for them.
I will be praying that the remaining visits go ok and that the boys' anxiety is at a minimum (as well as yours!)
Thanks for posting this, Becca! I'm glad to know how to pray for you guys more specifically. I'm asking God for peace deep down in your little guys' hearts.. and for lots of grace on those days when you have agency visits..
We love the Albuses so much; A and J know how special they are. They are so blessed to have you and Jeff. Prayer is already at the throne for you. Calmness and security are covering you four.
I'll be praying for you all.
Hmmm... what if you had a special basket of toys that they only got to play with when the case worker was there? Maybe having special toys that aren't their normal everyday things would make that time more exciting and less scary? Expecting little boys to color for longer than 5 minutes is asking quite a lot. Their attention span just may not be quite there. I know that coloring doesn't ever keep Clayton occupied for long.
Also, maybe you could make a fun snack for them before the case worker gets there. My kids are always their best when they are eating. :)
Another thing to consider... could they play outside while you talk to the case worker? I know how much A&J enjoy the great outdoors. ;)
That's all that I can think of right now. I'm sure that your case worker understands how difficult that her presence is for the children that she serves. I'm sure that the boys will just require constant reassurance.
Hopefully, just a few more months of this...
I can't imagine how stressful that is. You are in our prayers. Thanks for sharing your heart.
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