So, considering that there was very little feedback (thanks mom and Sarah for your sweet comments) on my last post, perhaps these raw emotion blog posts are not so popular. Still, this is where we are at and this is life, so it is definitely worth documenting.
We are truly blessed beyond measure and so grateful for the joys in our life. But things have been rough lately. We are experiencing some difficult circumstances and I have been told by those I confide in that they too would struggle with them. I am not trying to have a pity party, just trying to be real. All this to say, tension is high at times in our house anyway.
Well, today I told myself I would be proactive. Our kiddos always struggle when the agency workers come to visit. It throws them completely off. Their anxiety shots through the roof and because they are still too young to have appropriate coping strategies for this level of stress, their behavior reflects their anxiety. As I have mentioned before, I struggle with remaining emotionally neutral in my parenting, so this is a recipe for disaster. Today I told them what time our agency worker was coming and rehearsed with them that we would all sit at the table and they could color while I chatted with her. Well, that lasted about 5 minutes into the hour long visit. Then they lost control....running, hitting, throwing, disrespect galore! I tried not to lose control too but basically every time the worker leaves I want to cry. Not because of her. All our workers are very sweet, but just because their presence strikes a cord so deep in my boys that they will be taken away again. They don't realize it, but that is why they act the way they do. "A" even told the very same worker last month he wanted to be with us forever unprompted after over an hour of behavior that would have easily convinced her of the opposite.
LORD HELP! I have more of these visits scheduled with the other 2 case workers we have later this week. I don't know why they all wait until the last week of the month to schedule their visits. Any suggestions and or prayers are greatly appreciated!
I have been writing and rewriting this post in my head for weeks. Recently God brought these thoughts together to remind me of some very simple but powerful truths. Again, I am putting myself out there and seeking to be authentic. If you read our blog just to learn about the daily adventures of our family, this may not interest you as much. But I believe strongly that as a Christian it is important to share about God's work in my life in hopes that it will encourage other believers or plant seeds for emerging faith in non-believers.
I have very strong memories of the day I met Jesus. I was 7 (exactly "A"s age) and we were coming home from Wednesday night church. We picked up fried chicken to take home for dinner. I heard an Amy Grant song on the radio. My sister was her biggest fan, we frequented her concerts, and definitely had a GIANT poster of her in our house. For the life of me I don't know what the song was called or any of the lyrics, but I clearly remember the message. It was that without a personal relationship with Christ I would spend an eternity in hell, separated from Him. I knew I loved Jesus and I wanted to be with Him forever. So, with simple child like faith I asked my mom to help me pray to become a Christian. She drew a picture that showed the gap between us and God and the bridge that is the cross that makes it possible for us to draw near to God. I had grown up in the church and knew about Jesus, but that day He became my Savior. I remember I had 2 French braids in my hair the day I was baptized and I remember that our sweet family friends, FH and Mary came to our church that day to celebrate with us. I am so grateful that these memories don't fade. I pray that my boys will come to know the Lord at a young age as well.
However, since I became a mom I have realized that I have taken my salvation for granted. In pride, I don't consider myself to be in need of grace. I admit that I sin, but it isn't that "bad". At least I don't commit the big sins, like... How ridiculous a thought, that sin would be on a continuum from really bad to permissible. Thank God, my pride has crumbled recently in light of my precious boys. In the last few months God has urged me to teach them with the mindset that the behavior or sin may be ugly, but they are of great worth. They will always be worthy of my forgiveness and unconditional love! No matter what they do I will always forgive, because they are my children. This is just a reflection of the type of love God offers me. I can forgive them in this way, because God has forgiven me with such perfect grace and mercy. Isn't that such a simple truth, yet so profound?! I never fully grasped this truth until I experienced the love of a parent for their child. How much more does God look at my sin, grieve for my waywardness, but long for me to seek His forgiveness and restore relationship with me? Still He sacrificed the life of His Son to make a way for this type of redemption. It is truly amazing! Our Sunday School teacher spoke about Pride and Forgiveness last week and this verse struck me like a lightening bolt!
"But because of His great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions-it is by grace you have been saved."
Ephesians 2:4-5
Lord, please continue to convict me of the ugly sin of pride each time it creeps up in me! I want to be ever mindful of the depth of my need for your grace!
I have experienced such joy and renewed awe for God's amazing grace! This version of the classic hymn has touched me since the first time I heard it, but now I sing it with greater conviction and tears of joy! I am praying that God uses it to remind you of His ever present and amazing grace!
I am the mom of a 7 year old! I can't believe it, but "A" celebrated his 7th birthday today! I wish I could slow time down, but I can't so I just cherish every moment! Tonight "A" chose where we would go out to eat and he picked "the Mexican restaurant." He even got a coke. This is such a rare occurrence that I am pretty sure it has never happened on my watch. We ate and opened presents there and then went home for cake. It was a great time and now I am praying the kids go to sleep before midnight with all the sugar and caffeine pumping through their veins! Now for my sentimental birthday letter to our oldest little man.
Dearest "A",
We could not be prouder to be your mom and dad. What a blessing that God chose us to love and care for you! You are the most charming, adorable little guy I have ever met! Everyone loves you the moment you flash that giant dimply grin, especially sans several teeth! Please slow down with the girlfriend talk! It is not good for your Mommy's heart! I can't imagine sharing you yet! I love our special times together and how you shower us with "I love yous!" We love you too...more than you will ever now! Happy birthday sweet boy and I pray for many more amazing years to celebrate with you!
We are still recovering from our weekend of fun birthday celebration, complete with sugar induced coma. "A"s 7th birthday is July 20th. We have an all day training for our adoption agency next Saturday (can you feel the excitement?), so we had the party this past Saturday (July 10). It was all Spiderman, all the time! I am still dreaming in red and blue. Even the food was primarily red and blue in honor of "A"s favorite super hero! It is a bonus that my boys LOVE blueberries and strawberries!
PS: Do not judge me based on my nasty stripped wall paper in my kitchen. I did NOT pick it out. The previous owners must have thought it was nice, but me....I have disliked it since the day I first saw the house. In fact, it was one of the reasons I wasn't sold on the house right away, but Jeff encouraged me to look past the things that could be changed. Well, over 3 years later...they are getting changed and I couldn't be happier about it! Keep watching for updates on our little home remodeling currently in process. We had to wait until after the party to get started though.
Here are some of our littlest party guests, Drew and Ariana! They were such a cute little duo and I can't help but hope one of my boys or one of my nephews marries this lil' cutie! She is my best friend's daughter and I would love to be related to her!
The Spiderman decorations were borderline over the top, but I think we came in just shy of tacky! There was a GIANT bounce house in my back yard for the big kids. It was so hot though that all of them were drenching with sweat every time they came in from playing to take a little break! This action was much more my style. The 3 and under crowd had their own mini bounce house in the comfort of the AC! Our "A" LOVED opening all his presents. However, he thought he should be able to unwrap all the packaging and play with each one before going on to the next. It was quite a challenge to keep he and his lil' entourage of party goers from busting open every gifts packaging and mixing all the many pieces up in one big mess! Sweet Michelle, our friend and hair dresser was kind enough to help referee the chaos while keeping a list for thank you notes. I am pretty sure she is a modern day Saint! The last present was a Spiderman bike from us! "A" has been asking for one for months and my sweet parents got him all the protective gear to go with it (helmet, knee and elbow pads)! The cake was so fun too! Way to go HEB bakery! I considered briefly making the cake myself, but quickly came to my senses when I remembered I don't know the first thing about cake decorating! As my friend says, "you should always leave birthday cakes to the professionals!"
Thank you to all our family and friends who loved on our sweet "A" and made him feel so special while celebrating his birthday!
So, we had our first July 4th. It is another one of the last firsts that I am getting so sentimental about and such a fun one at that! "A" kept calling Independence Day, "America Day," hence the title of the post. Both boys loved wearing their "USA" red, white, and blue shirts. In fact I had to do a load of laundry Saturday night so they would be clean for Sunday because they wore them so often! Anyway, we went to church Sunday morning and then over to my parent's house for lunch and swimming and of course....
some patriotic dessert! This is a trifle recipe I got from the e-mealz program I have been using for meal planning. It was pretty good and super easy with very few ingredients. Just some cool whip, vanilla pudding mix, blueberry pie filling, strawberry (recipe called for cherry, but I prefer strawberry) pie filling, and an angel food cake. I used berries to decorate it like a flag. This is one of my favorite things when it comes to patriotic desserts. Anyway, the recipe was called, Ole Glory so it had to look like a flag in my opinion. The layers are supposed to show from the side of the bowl to show distinct stripes. You are supposed to use a trifle bowl which I didn't. Therefore, I may have HAD to eat the extra angel food cake and whip cream that didn't fit in my make shift trifle bowl.
After lunch and swimming, we tried and failed miserably to get the boys to take a nap so they would be rested for the fireworks. Around 8, we packed up and headed over to our local mall to watch the fireworks display, thinking going over an hour early would afford us a parking spot in the mall parking lot. No such luck, but we actually had a better view from our spot in the field across the street and a much easier time getting out afterwards.
I love fireworks!!
I love taking pictures of fireworks! But this year I couldn't take my eyes and therefore my camera lens off of my boys' sweet faces as they enjoyed the show! Please note that they are in a stranger's truck bed. They sure did climb up there and invite themselves to sit in the random people's lawn chairs even though we had some on the ground for them. They made fast friends with a sweet little 9 year old boy and his family was kind enough to let them sit in their truck with them. "J" definitely fell asleep in their lawn chair and slept through at least half the show. It was hilarious....sound asleep with super loud fireworks over head! It was even funnier the next morning when he said in a frantic tone, "MOMMY, we FORGOT to go to the fireworks!!!"
Who could forget this? That is unless you are sound asleep because you refused to nap and it is way past your bed time! Priceless!
I remember before the boys came experiencing grief over all the "firsts" I would miss having meet them 4 and 6 years into life. Now, I realize we just get to experience a lot of "firsts" in a different way! Our first year is quickly coming to a close so I am soaking every single "first" for all it's worth! Our first Father's Day was such a sweet time to let Jeff know just how much we love and appreciate him! The boys each decorated a home made card with this sweet saying, "You are the worlds best dad...hands down!" with their sweet little hands traced inside. I don't claim any of the ideas here as my own...Thank God for the Internet!
I also had each boy tell me what kinds of things they would want to do/places they would go with him if they could plan their own one on one day with Dad. I thought it was a good thing for Jeff because his favorite love language to receive is quality time.
"J" chose to go to Chick-Fila and enjoy some time outside. So, I planned a picnic in the park with a kite, bubbles, a catch game, and a gift card for ice cream as a finale! "A" knew right away that he wanted to go to TGI Fridays and the movies. I threw in a few of Jeff's favorite candies and popcorn to tie it all together! I also made Jeff some brownies with chocolate icing and decorated them with cream cheese icing. It is his favorite kind-as in eat it right out of the can with a spoon with absolutely no shame! :) Now, I think that is one proud poppa if I do say so myself! We also got to spend some time with my sweet daddy and their Poppa D today which is always fun!
We had hamburgers, hot dogs, potato salad, baked beans, and deviled eggs! SO yummy! I love to see my sweet dad loving on my boys and I can't imagine two better examples for them to follow than he and my amazing husband! Thank God for these men that love the Lord teaching my boys how to be a man of character!
That may seem like a strange title to those of you that are frequent readers. Though I'm guessing there aren't many of you left since a lot of the joy of reading blogs is looking at pictures and ours are all of the backs of our kids' heads. So silly looking!
Anyway my posts, though still not daily, are more consistent lately and for that I am proud. However, I have provided very little information updating you on the adoption process. That will come in this very post, but I am going to build some anticipation by making you wait....I know, not fair, but oh so fun!
I always stress majorly over teachers' gifts!! I just love our boys' teachers dearly and appreciate their dedication to our kiddos even more! So, nothing, particularly that I can afford, seems like enough! This year I polled my teacher friends for ideas and they recommended gift cards. I didn't want to just give a gift card in an envelope so I made a "welcome to your relaxing summer vacation kit". I found a similar idea here. Our version had a pretty beach towel rolled up and tied with ribbon and a travel size bottle of sun screen, in a small beach bag I got at Target for the cost of a plain old gift bag, and a sweet thank you card complete with a Sonic gift card! I went for the "if I were a teacher this is what I would want" factor. Hopefully they liked it, but if not I heard there is some sort of gift card swap teachers do. I'm pretty sure it is somewhat secretive, but I just put it on my blog so I guess it isn't a secret any longer! ;) Anyway, here's a picture of the finished product.
Today is the first full day of summer vacation and we celebrated by having a donut breakfast and playing outside with sidewalk chalk and the sand box. Looks like it will be a frequent occurrence this summer! Not the donuts...that is a VERY rare treat at our house with 2 extremely energetic boys. But the chalk and outdoor play is here to stay though we may have to do most of it in the shade with this crazy Houston heat! Now on to the adoption update. We are still doing back of the head pictures so I'm sure you have guessed the adoption is not finalized and this is true. In fact it seems it will be a few more months still. I have had a lot of questions and I know it seems like it is taking forever so thanks for continuing to show interest. It has not been an easy road, though I will argue with anyone that thinks periods of waiting are ever easy. We finished up 2009 with some certainty that we would be able to adopt the boys, but the new year brought a giant road bump that looked like a closed door. It was one of the most difficult times of our lives made even more difficult by the inability to share our situation in it's entirety with you, our sweet friends and family. However, in March the apparent closed door swung wide open in a way that only God could have orchestrated. PRAISE GOD who is the Author and Perfecter of our Faith and Sovereign over every aspect of our lives! We were notified that we are in fact the family that has been chosen by the state to adopt the boys and we are over joyed! The waiting isn't over though.
The next step is for us to read the boys' file with all the information that the state has regarding their history. We can't do this until the file is redacted. This is some sort of legal process of taking out aspects of the wording before it can be released. Anyway, it has been taking on average of 5 1/2 months in our county for this process to be completed!! And, it couldn't start until we were chosen to adopt the boys so....If you do the math it will still be 2 or 3 months before we can read the file! Ridiculous I know, but bureaucracy is by nature slower than Christmas! Though we know in our hearts that we are a complete family and the name change is a formality, we truly are so eager to complete this process. We want to go on with life as a family of 4 minus all the extra people and scrutiny! At the same time, we recognize that our wait is very short and has been filled with much less uncertainty in comparison to most people that chose to adopt through the foster care system. On that note, we have experienced such joy in witnessing 3 families who have deeply touched our lives and encouraged us in our adoption process finalize adoptions over the last couple of months! We have seen God work through the beautiful process of adoption to change these lives forever! Therefore, we are encouraged to wait on Him to move in our situation as well because He is so very good to us! Thank you all for your love, encouragement, and most of all your prayers!
P.S.: This clearly should have been 2 separate posts so thanks for hanging in there with me!
